Feeling Stuck at Midlife: The Hidden Power of Core Beliefs.
Many people tell me that at midlife, they feel trapped. This could be in a job, a relationship, or a routine that no longer works. The more you try to push through, the more tired you become. What causes this feeling? Psychology points to core beliefs.
What are core beliefs?
Core beliefs are the deep rules we absorb early in life about who we are and how the world works. They often sound like:
- “It’s too late to change now.”
This belief often keeps people in jobs they don’t enjoy because starting over feels irresponsible. - “My needs come after everyone else’s.”
This is common for women balancing care, work, and relationships. It can lead to burnout and resentment. - “I must stay strong and cope.”
This belief is especially common among high-achieving professionals. They may see their own emotional needs as a weakness. - “If I slow down, everything will fall apart.”
This belief keeps people working too much, even when their body is clearly asking for rest.
These beliefs once helped us fit in and get by. But at midlife, they can turn into invisible cages, keeping us stuck in patterns that drain our energy and hold us back. Naming these beliefs can feel uncomfortable and surprising. Feeling vulnerable or anxious during this process is normal, but this discomfort is part of growth and shows you are facing deep issues. Recognising your bravery in questioning old rules can help you feel understood and empowered as you grow.
Why midlife brings this to the surface
In the first part of life, most of us follow these rules without thinking. We build our careers, families, and identities around them. But at midlife, things change. The old rules stop working. You might feel down, tired, or bored. These feelings are not laziness—they are signs that your old beliefs are no longer helping you. Only you can choose which rules to keep. This respects your ability to decide for yourself, and expert advice is there to support, not replace, your own wisdom.
The energy drain of outdated beliefs
Holding on to old rules takes a lot of energy. It’s like carrying a heavy backpack you don’t notice. Core beliefs can make you feel guilty for trying to change or ashamed for putting yourself first. Over time, this inner struggle can lead to exhaustion and feeling low.
A practical step: discovering your core beliefs
The first step to change is becoming aware. Understanding your core beliefs can help you see which ones you still follow and whether they support or hold you back. Once you spot a belief, think about how it has affected your life. Writing your thoughts in a journal can give you clarity and insight into how this belief shapes your actions.
Here’s a simple prompt to get started: “Reflect on a recent situation where you felt stuck. What core belief might be influencing your actions or decisions in such scenarios?” Getting support from friends, mentors, or professionals can also give you new ideas and help you challenge and change these beliefs.
As you work through it, ask yourself:
- Where did this belief come from?
- Does it still serve me?
- What would life feel like without it?
Even noticing just one old belief can free up energy and help you start to change. Imagine waking up feeling lighter and looking forward to the day. Letting go of old burdens can bring new excitement and make each moment feel more meaningful.
The takeaway for midlife
Feeling stuck at midlife doesn’t mean you’ll stay that way. It just means your old ways no longer fit your life. Remember, feeling uncomfortable or resistant is normal as you go through this process. When you question long-held beliefs, it’s natural to feel uneasy. Knowing this can help you keep going. By exploring your core beliefs, you start to break free from old rules and get back the energy to build a life that suits you now. Support groups, coaching, or therapy can also help guide you and remind you that you don’t have to do this alone.
Why not take the Midlife Quiz to find out where you are in your midlife transition and how to support yourself.