Am I Having a Midlife Crisis? Why It’s Real

Am I Having a Midlife Crisis? Why It’s Real, and How to Use It for Growth.

It’s one of the most common questions I hear in my work as a psychologist: “Am I having a midlife crisis?” The answer is yes — the midlife crisis is indeed a real phenomenon. But not in the shallow way it’s often portrayed. It isn’t just about sports cars, affairs, or suddenly quitting your job. It’s much deeper: an existential identity crisis that arises when the life you’ve built no longer fits who you are.

The Crisis Is Real

Psychology recognises that by midlife, many of the roles and rules that shaped our identity begin to shift. Children grow up, careers plateau, and the scripts that once kept us safe — ‘always put others first,’ ‘work harder to be enough’ — stop giving us meaning. This mismatch between the life we’re living and the person we’ve become is what creates the feeling of crisis.

Why It Feels So Unsettling

Carl Jung described the first half of life as fitting in, and the second half as creating a life that genuinely reflects who we are. When we resist this shift, our psychic energy — what Jung called libido, or life force — gets trapped in old patterns. That’s why midlife can feel exhausting, anxious, or flat. The crisis is real because the energy of your psyche is demanding change.

How It Becomes Destructive

The midlife crisis turns destructive when we deny it or try to numb it with quick fixes. A new diet, a cosmetic tweak, a sudden purchase — these may distract us, but they don’t address the root problem. Without self-awareness, inner restlessness grows, frustration and anger can accumulate, and sometimes erupt in ways that damage relationships, careers, and overall well-being.

How to Use It for Growth

The good news is that the midlife crisis can become a turning point. Here’s how:

– Acknowledge it. Instead of asking if it’s real, accept that it is. Don’t anaesthetise or distract yourself from the experience you are going through.

– Increase awareness. Notice the old scripts you’ve been living by and ask if they still fit and how they could change to support who you are now.

– Reclaim energy. Align your actions with your values — energy follows meaning. Increase awareness of what increases your energy and what or who drains it.

– Experiment. Take small informed steps into new territory. Finding your purpose occurs through experience, and you may not always get it right the first time, but you will be better informed next time! You’ll only find out if you enjoy something new by trying it, but now, in midlife, you have a greater wealth of knowledge about yourself to understand what you might want. We are much better informed than we were during earlier transitions in life, such as adolescence.

  – Seek Connection. Talking with others who understand midlife change helps normalise it and reduce isolation. I love the idea of ‘Communitas’, a space where people experiencing similar life events and transitions can get together to share lived experiences.

Putting It Together

If you’re asking, “Am I having a midlife crisis?”, you’re not failing — you’re evolving. The midlife crisis is real, but it doesn’t have to be the end of the story. With self-awareness and the courage to update your scripts, you can turn it into growth. It’s not about denying the crisis — it’s about understanding why it exists and finding answers that can serve as a guiding light for the change you need to make in the second half of life.